Saturday, May 21, 2011

A particularly sad day...

...for me and for Mom too.

Take all the behaviors that make up the condition called dementia; the spoken repeating, the constant movement of drumming fingers, patting legs, the wandering with the blank look on the face, the 'lost sounds' of looking for me when I've been away for a minute in the bathroom, and then the trail I found in the house this morning after a shower; Mom's done them all today and then some. There was a time this morning when I was sitting at the table and Mom would go from the living room to the kitchen, close the drapes, turn on the lights, turn off the lights, wander the hallway, go to the bathroom and only flush the toilet, wander back and around, then come back and sit down...tap her leg, then repeat all over again.

Decided to take mom for a burger, and she wanted to disassemble the burger to eat the pieces, had a bite, chew chew chew chew, prompt to swallow, then Mom tried to get up and 'go to the car'; and it was about this time when I realized that going to a concert this afternoon was not going to happen; I can't in my right mind even try to take Mom to something that she so used to look forward to for days ahead of time. There's one more aspect of the symptom, loss of sense of time and place, Mom will change our last name to her girl name, we'll be living in Montana and then California, things change over seconds.

I'm just feeling very sad today...for the Mom that was, what Mom has become, and what lies ahead...


  1. So sorry Tom. I really like to remember her like she was. Fun and happy,this just sucks. I commend you on your patience. I don't know if I could do what you are doing. Thoughts and prays continue.
    Love, Sharron

  2. She's so lucky to have you, Tom. The roles are reversed: she's the infant you once were, and this is your opportunity to share in the love, impatience, responsibility, and weariness that she felt. But there's a great sadness, of course, in that she observed your civilizing progress while you have to deal with decline and regression. My prayers for you both in this purgatory.